where have you been?

what a funny question... only because i haven't been anywhere... but i know what he meant... he was wondering why i had "disappeared" from @Twitter for such a long time... @Twitter says my last post was 26 days ago... lol.. that makes me giggle...  given the fact that i normally @Twitter all day long..

where have i been?

so i answered my dear friend with a note of thanks...  "thank you for caring" friend...  i have been "here" but in the shadows...  silently stalking all of you but unable to bring myself to actually twitter a hello...  but missing the daily conversations...  

where have i been?

i'm not sure...  i feel like i've been through hell...  sometimes i feel like giving up...  other times i feel like i can do it...  i tell myself "i've been through worse" and yet this feels like it could be the breaking point for me...  i have been so up and down these past few weeks that i just don't know anymore...

where have i been?

i have been nowhere... i have been everywhere...  i have been lost in a forest of despair...  and unlike snake-dragon i have not yet found the light that leads out to the meadow...  instead i have chosen to sit on this tree stump and refuse to come out of the forest...  i like it in here... the darkness is soothing and forgiving...  no one can see me here and the silence is deafening... and i like it...  the "bgf" always wondered what my fascination with being in the dark was...  this is the reason...

where have i been?

nowhere really...  during the day you've seen my shell... trying its hardest to mimic my every move, every little quirk...  and it's been doing a great job...  but at five p.m. i return to this forest where i don't have to be anything...  i can just sit...  and be... in the darkness... in the silence... just be...