i am... five years later

I AM: a b*tch... but only when i need to be
I THINK: i am a huge flirt... watch out..haha
I KNOW: that i can have it all if i really want it
I WANT: to be loved
I HAVE: not lived up to my potential...:P
I WISH: california was just a drive away
I HATE: *b*.... because he is a bad person... and that's all i'm going to say about that
I FEAR: failure....
I HEAR: him telling me that he's fallen in love with me
I WONDER: if *he* realizes what he has...
I REGRET: a lot of choices that i have made but life is all about choices
I LOVE: the sound of rain.... "i love your touch (dM)"
I ALWAYS: put everyone else first...
I AM NOT: beautiful
I DANCE: never because i'm not very good.... haha
I SING: even when i don't know all of the words
I CRY: because sometimes i just don't know what to do..
I DO NOT ALWAYS: show my true feelings.... "i only show them what i want them to see (jM)"
I FIGHT: for what i believe in.... when i know i'm right and *he's* wrong
I WRITE: from my heart... about the things that i can't bring myself to say out loud
I WIN: every time... okay most of the time
I LOSE: track of time... always
I CONFUSE: myself all the time
I LISTEN: intently... with my ears and eyes...
I CAN BE USUALLY FOUND: with my nose in a book
I NEED: a good massage every night
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: the things that i have accomplished so far
I SHOULD: believe in myself more



i wrote these things about five years ago and i look back on them now and wonder, "am i still the same person i was back then?"
i don't think i'm quite as big a bitch as i was then... at the time i was dealing with something so huge, so outrageous it makes what happened in april seem so small in comparison... i think i've outgrown the flirting... aahhh maybe not... but i do believe that i've grown from that person that i was five years ago... and i've learned a lot of lessons along the way...

I AM: a strong person... i have slayed the dragon on more than one occasion and i have come out the victor every time...
I THINK: i've got the hang of "it" finally...
I KNOW: that i do have the potential to be more, much more, and i just have to work at it...
I WANT: "to be loved..."
I HAVE: the best mom in the world.. she is incredible...
I WISH: there really were time machines so that snake-dragon and i could go back and share that first kiss again... lol
I HATE: nothing. at this moment i feel no hate for anything
I FEAR: failure.... i still do... but i know that without failure there are no lessons to be learned
I HEAR: the birds... the newspaper man... that weird little scary creature outside my window...
I WONDER: what the el's will be like in a few years...
I REGRET: nothing at this point...
I LOVE: the el's... snake-dragon... my family...
I ALWAYS: put everyone else first...
I AM NOT: beautiful
I DANCE: in the restaurants... in the car... sometimes just to embarrass "the bad el" haha
I SING: same as above only louder
I CRY: tears of joy for i know that good things are around the corner
I DO NOT ALWAYS: tell the people in my life how much i love them
I FIGHT: dirty... lol
I WRITE: "from my heart... about the things that i can't bring myself to say out loud"
I WIN: three-legged races against my four-legged friends...
I LOSE: "track of time... always" still do this too much... someone buy me a watch already...
I CONFUSE: "myself all the time" aii... this too...
I LISTEN: without speaking... because i care
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: "with my nose in a book" i'm nerdier than @jlake07aahh.. lol
I NEED: lots of hugs.. huge ones
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: the times that i get to spend with the el's.. snake-dragon... my family
I SHOULD: be myself more often.. i'm quite funny when i let myself be...